I read thru my old blog...



And I realise that I've really changed so much... The previous blog was filled with happiness then sadness lastly the emotional ride...


Its really not easy on me... I know it aint easy for Baby...


Maybe I'm really good at concealing the deep scars of mine... Its just me keeping every single thing to myself...



What I know is I'll never be as happy as before...






Comparing now and before I've really stand up alittle now.. To others it seems otherwise... I don't like myself behaving in such a way... Goals are easy to set.. But to let go of a goal` A CHILDHOOD DREAM / GOAL... It's really not easy...

I never wanted to let go of it.. I plan to work till I'm old...


But I was force to let go of it...


It will be a different scenerio, if you choose to leave it cause you'r so sick of working and hanging on...



I know my life is not as bad as the other people in the world.. SOme is living without food, water, without parents or living in 'hell'... SO I'm better than them...


Put yourself in my shoes... Getting sucky medical reports and all those shits... In the same situation... And that you love this job so much.. That you aim to be part of the family since you were young...





Have I not handled it well enough? Have I not?!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Then please tell me how to handle it well enough...



My only prayer will be - God please please take me away... Or give me a good brain wash...